i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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