Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
