I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
