we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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