Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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