He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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