i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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