I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
