she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
