What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
