She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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