3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
