you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
