Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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