this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You dont lie about slip and slides
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
