Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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