listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
