haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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