I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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