Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
