I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
