Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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