If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
