A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
