So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
