you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
