Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
