I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
