i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
