I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
