Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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