you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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