Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
