Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
