your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
