Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want nice things and good sex
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
