who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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