By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he's single and there are thong briefs.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
