i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
