then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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