Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
