yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
