At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
