question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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