New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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