Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
