is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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