You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my being single is dangerous.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are my feet made of real feet?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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