If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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