I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I won the penis lottery.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize