never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
