i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
