what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
