it wasn't lemon gatorade
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
