I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
