just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
