Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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