dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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