I think my fart just growled at me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
