There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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