Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
