He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
