Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
