shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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