did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
