Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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