I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
