I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
