super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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