Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My feet surprised me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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