Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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