hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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