The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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