I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
