Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
