I need to stop coming to work sober
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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