There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
