Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
