you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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