I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize