My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
