I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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