waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
