so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize