Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
