I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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