He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My life is pants optional.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
