I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
