just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
