so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
