I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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