how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
