i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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